i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
