The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
