How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
