Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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