My first STD was from a foam party
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I want to fling myself into the sun
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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