Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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