Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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