I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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