The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
