ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
