Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
