Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
