I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
