the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
