you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Come on in and take your pants off
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