I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
