So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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