Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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