stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
