dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
