Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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