I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
