Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
