WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Omg I joined a choir last night...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
