I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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