I think I won the penis lottery.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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