I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
please come you make the beer taste better
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
