Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
