ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
