Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
