Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
