Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
