Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
