She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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