Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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