Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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