pop tarts are not kleenex
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
