I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Boobs speak an international language.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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