Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
