That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
