Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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