I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
