I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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