Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
