The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
