we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
