Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize