Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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