from now on my penis is your penis
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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