can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
