i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
