p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
