wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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