Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
