Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
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