sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm just crazy horny about you
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
