I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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