11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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