If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
