Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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