I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I need to calm my uterus...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
