dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize