Michael Bay diarrhea
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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