I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
