umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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