It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
