Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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