if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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