I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
