On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
