I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
