Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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