when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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