she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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