i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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