I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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